The Reason Why I Think Mum Has Given Me Her Blessings

Well that's how she had placed our toothbrushes on the bathroom countertop last week.

A Fuzzy Beginning

Love comes when you least expect it to. In the case of Aikidosan who had just turned and looked at me in the darkness of the cinema hall, I just could not recall anymore the string of events that brought us here. We caught each other’s glances and hung on for a few seconds, and then he gave me a silly pinch on my right ear, and we shifted our attention back to the movie.

Was it from gay.com? I would go there on those occasional evenings when I am really bored, and end up with far too many chat windows that I could possibly handle, and then a bunch of msn contacts that would remain dormant and ultimately turn stale and get deleted in a few weeks’ time.

Or perhaps you belong to one of those Fridae folks that I’ve been mindlessly exchanging hearts with? Those folks who, besides hearts, I have not exchanged much of anything else with.

But it doesn’t matter anymore, Aikidosan ultimately broke away from the fuzzy clutter and held up his resume right at my face. He made his intentions known despite the distance, and he persevered despite my self-protective arrogance - any sane man would stop sms’ing after the 4th unreplied message.

And so we would end up where we are today, at the start of a journey, doesn’t matter how long or short it would travel, and where it actually began, I really have no idea.

You just never know what you’ll get, this internet thing.

Braving: “So tell me how we met again?”
Aikidosan: “Erm, can I see you again tomorrow?”

Kakiku: A Map of Indulgence (Updated)

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Be The Man

If you're a man, and you're gay, and you've never felt like you belong anywhere in this world, Mangay's collection of ladies accessories will make you feel right at home.

The BravingKL Pink Districts: Bukit Bintang 1 (Updated)

(Click on image for larger view)

Gayvilion:
Positioned strongly on the top of the pink hangout destination of Klang Valley is Gayvilion (also known as Pavilion to the straight folks), the spanking new pride of the queer world.

Barely one year since its opening, this swanky mall quickly rose to become the hub of all homo-activities outside the clubbing world. Come sashay down the wide airy aisles in your Prada shoe or your LV bags, or find time to add another Versace to your collection. And then head over to Starbucks café on the street level, and join the highest concentration of caffeine-sipping sisterhoods on a weekend day-out for some people-watching.


Lot 10:
This 18-year-old mall has long lost its luster (if it ever had any), long before Gayvilion came into the picture. However, the recently announced RM20million facelift project YTL may inject some excitement back into this sleepy green building.

http://www.ytlcommunity.com/commnews/shownews.asp?newsid=39055


Dome Café:
This former favourite haunt for the pink community has unfortunately been reduced to a sorry state of affairs with the escalating popularity of Gayvilion. Obviously lacking now in any sinful queer activities that once call this joint home, there seems to be a revival of wholesome family gatherings on weekends, though in numbers that will never match the former. Dome Café has definitely seen its better days, but of course if you still miss their overpriced food and drinks, and their sticky chairs and claustrophobic washrooms, the manager eagerly welcomes you.


Bambusa:
The accessibility and convenience of this once-flourishing gay sauna was ironically what led to its demise. It’s an unwritten rule that all saunas, given their (debatable) negative moral implications, must be situated in seedy backlanes (Otot-Otot), or in sleepy commercial areas that are deserted on weekends (Mandi-Manda) or in areas peppered with similarly seedy gay massage outlets and infested with foreign workers (Kakiku).

Thus, having half-naked men parading their bodies in a balcony directly overlooking the bustling Jalan Bukit Bintang, despite being heavily camouflaged with leafy trees and bamboo blinds), definitely falls out of the comfort zone of the authorities, leading then to multiple high-profile raids and finally its death.


Blue Boy Disco:
Long before the queer crowd parades the classy patio of MarketPlace, this unpretentious disco was already a bustling joint for the Malay crowd and their admirers. With the lures of the more glittery outlets nowadays, I guess alot of the crowd has long moved on.

A Step Into Love

Design 1 opens with a stomp, followed by a dizzying pivot turn on-board and then a back mambo and two triple-step around the end, before moving in with a quick hectic switch and a dramatic scissor cha-cha and repeater knee straddle, and ends with shuffle straddle and a double lunge. Our eyes alternate between looking at our step boards and at you, our beloved step instructor. Filling the deepest recess of our minds, we greedily take in every explosion of masculinity that would travel from your defined arms to the ripples of manliness beneath your fitting sleeveless tee, and then to the tight layers of pure energy blessing your godly legs.

Design 2 starts off with a two-count pose on-board, and immediately picks up the momentum with a Charleston kick/L-stomp combo, and then a Chassee pivot, followed by a cha-cha, gallop and rocking horse, before taming down to a split basic, and finally a diagonal crossover cha-cha to home. From the loudest of step music, our ears pick up your husky voice, delivering cues after cues with a seemingly bottomless pit of energy source, emanating from between your luscious lips to the darkest corners of our souls, each and every one of us, the steppers in the studio, we have come from all corners of the Klang Valley again to worship you today.

Design 3 explodes into action with a potent Chelsea kick and a frantic back full-circle flip off the edge, before another half-circle turn on-board and an Elvis and shit! I forgot what's next because you have stopped to look at how we're doing and your reassuring eyes have landed on me even if it's just for one tenth of a second. I must have looked like a complete idiot standing there and just clumsily repeating the basic step that I was stuck at. Came a full half-hour before the class starts to jealously guard this spot that allows me an unobstructed line-of-sight to you, yet I fell victim to your mesmerizing gaze.

Design 4 kicks off with a half salsa with a gallop and then a tango switch combo on-board before upping the beat with a hysterical, almost impossible triple alternating switch that sent us flying from one end of the board to another. Barely time to breath, and we’re flying again with a half-turn flick and a starburst followed by a back mambo and double stomp and spin over. In between gasping for air, and catching up with the wicked beat, we are reminded yet again of the source of our adrenalin rush, your inexhaustible energy, your arresting smile, your upbeat personality and your silly chuckle, and then there is the unmistakable sweaty patch on your Adidas pants that is unabashedly revealing the triangular shape underneath.

We cheer as you signal for us to repeat the entire routine for the eighth time in a row, and for once could not tell if the heart is throbbing from the frenetic moves or from the very sight and sound of you. We kick, and we stomp, and we flick our legs, then we spin and then we kick some more. Your very presence is our shining source of inspiration and energy; we say this with our breaking legs and our labored breath.

And then, all the things that we want to say but could never do, we quietly whisper them as the cool-down music plays, and as we stack the step boards neatly back into place, and we would whisper them again for one last time, and then leave them in our aching hearts.

Candle light and soul forever
A dream of you and me together
Say you believe it, say you believe it

Free your mind of doubt and danger
Be for real don't be a stranger
We can achieve it, we can achieve it

Come a little bit closer baby,
get it on, get it on
'Cause tonight is the night when two become one

A Queer Day

Is the Malaysian society ready to embrace such outward expressions of affection from the pink community, in a crowded shopping mall choked with wholesome family activities? Well we trailed these lovebirds for 50 meters, and it seemed not a single alarm bell was raised.

Marvellous.

The BravingKL Total Photoshop Makeover

Are you hitting the gym on a daily basis and working your butts out at the free weights area but yet grimace at the sight of the loose layers of fat that have stubbornly clung on to your body like how the Type C uncles stick their soapy bods to the frosted partition in the showers?

Well unfortunately the miracle no-sweat workout pill has yet to be invented, but if you are dying to look great for the once-in-a-lifetime photo, then wait no longer, because Photoshop is here to your rescue.

And what better way to demonstrate the miracles of Photoshop then to use real-life examples of photos kidnapped from Fridae? Come witness now the jaw-dropping transformation of less-than-desirable bods into the Type A championship mouth-watering versions that many of us spend countless hours in the gym working towards.

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After:


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The KL Pink Districts: KLCC

Market Place:
Finally, here comes an invigorating breath of fresh air in the KL’s clubbing scene, away from the ill-maintained and cikus-infested tasteless La Queen. The name ‘MarketPlace’ sounds rather unglam at first, but it may be truly reflective of what happens in a gay club where rumours fly and tomorrow’s breaking news for local pink blogs and Fridae profiles are exchanged, debated and confirmed.

The dance floor is miserably small, but at least it now comes equipped with the magical podiums where semi-decent folks are immediately transformed into attention-whoring half-naked gyrating bodies of flesh.

MarketPlace’s real gem lies in the abundance of outdoor patio areas to catch your breath and get away from the dizzying disco lights and perhaps finally catch up with the hot hunk that you’ve been eyeing the whole night at. Check out the outdoor bar area that affords you a glimpse of the semi-hidden twin towers up close. Plus, if you’re feeling cheapskate, there’s a huge bright curry house next door to adjourn to for more drinks and supper.

The BravingKL Fridae Guide: On Handling Messages

There is a certain kind of message that you should avoid like a plague in Fridae – the DBKL Message. These are the mass-produced, impersonal messages that are copied and pasted to Fridae from a template, and sent over and over again by their owners, to whoever members they fancy.

One shining example can be seen here.

The (in)famous traits of the DBKL Message are:

• Your name is missing from the message. For example, it starts with just a ‘Hi.’, instead of a ‘Hi Kelvin’.
• It comes with questions asking about at least 5 of the following details of you - name, hometown, current location, stat, msn address, contact number, top or bottom, hobbies and work. This is regardless of whether or not you have already included them in your profile - they are in an awful hurry and cannot be expected to go through your stuff.

It normally ends with a way of getting in touch with them, either via msn, mobile number, or email.

Obviously, their behaviours are closely related to those of Active DBKL, as their rather low QC means that they simply find themselves overwhelmed with too many profiles to send messages to, such that they have no time to personalized each and every one of these messages.

Analysing the traits above will then produce an anti-thesis of DBKL Message – the extremely more successful Class A Message that is a unique, more personalized effort in establishing the first contact with the Type A of your dream.

Here are some tips on composing a Class A Message:

• Address him by his name. We know that may not be obvious at first, but more often, it can be, if you pay attention to the profile name.
• Keep it short and simple. Don’t offer to give a lengthy account of your day or explain the grandmother story of how you came out of the closet in your first message to him.
• Personalised! Give comments and ask relevant questions that are more likely to interest him. Run through his photos and profiles to get an idea. For example, ask him where he took the picture of the beautiful sunset in one of his photos, or tell him how adorable the dog that appears in over 60% of his photos is.
• Always ensure that your messages have questions in them, so that he will feel more motivated to reply you. If all you do is to answer all his questions, but never post any for him, it may just end the entire exchange prematurely, as you risk coming across as a self-centered, self-infatuated Princess.
  

One important note that we’ll like to stress: 70% of Fridae message exchanges end after the exchange of MSN addresses. Some members somehow appear to be avid collectors of MSN addresses, because once they obtained this piece of information about you, it seems like you’ll never hear from them again.

Two possible explanations arise:

• The comfort that they now have your MSN addresses means that they are sure they’ll be able to get in touch with you whenever they want to, but they always end up occupied and so will never do. Psychologically, this is not unlike the fact that you do not visit a tourist attraction in your vicinity because you know that it’ll always be there for you when you finally feel like visiting it.
• Your may be drown in their MSN contact list, of which member count tallies at 1000 and is growing by the day. They simply do not notice you as they browse through their contact list.
  

Thus for higher success rate, keep the conversation going in Fridae for at least 5-8 rounds, or until you feel positive that an MSN contact will be sustained, before revealing this important detail.

The BravingKL Fridae Guide: On Members with No Photos

The sisterhood unanimously concluded that 95% of members who don’t have any photos in their profiles are regrettably Type C, that is perhaps even after the rescue of some level of Photoshop editing.

The remaining 5% of these members may come with Type A or B looks, but could be just too freakingly deep in the closet that it’s not worth the investment of your time, because you may end up just chatting with them in MSN or phone forever and never meet up, or if you ever do meet up with them, it’ll be forever in some obscure F&B outlets far from civilization, and then you’ll risk being dumped in the middle of dinner or movie if they ever caught sight of someone whom they know, for example like their grand auntie’s third daughter’s neighbour’s son.

The BravingKL Fridae Guide: On Members with Photos

The sisterhood believes that the population of members with photos in their profiles can be broken down into the following 3 main categories:

Members with clear & identifiable public face-pics – 65%:
These members, regardless of whether they are Type A, B, or C, are obviously not shy about showcasing themselves to the entire online population. These are folks who have comfortably come to terms with their sexuality and many will turn out to be genuinely nice people.

Members with non face-pics public photos – 20%:
These members employ some level of anonymity via photo-taking or PhotoShop techniques to showcase blurry photos, photos of silhouettes or outlines of their face and body features, or camouflaged photos (generally just photos of buildings or sceneries with the member posing as passer-by in an obscure corner of the photo, so that you’ll need to squint to find them, and when you do find them, you’ll can’t tell if it’s really them or their mother-in-laws or pets).

Also included in this category are members who put photos of everything else under the sun and moon in their profile, such as photos of their belongings (like pets, plants, perfume collection etc), photos of famous actors and porn stars and pure scenery shots.

A breakdown of these members:

• 90% of these members would regrettably turn out to be a Type C
• 10% of these members could still be a Type A or B, but could have an extremely low self-esteem, or more likely, have not come to terms with their sexuality yet, and thus may present imminent challenges commonly found among closeted folks.
  

Members with pics of body parts only – 15%:
These members choose to present you with the achievements of the countless hours spent in the gym, or photo proof of how well-equipped they are down there. (Of course, for members of different roles, this could be referring to the ‘provider’ tool in front, or the ‘acceptor’ tool behind).

Out of these members:

• 60% of them actually may have presentable Type A or B faces, but chose instead to focus your attention on their body, leaving us to conclude that there can only be one thing in their mind – sex.
• The remaining 40% have regrettably Type C faces, and so are left with the only option of marketing themselves via the showcasing of their Type A or B body parts.

The BravingKL Fridae Guide: On Replying Hearts

Are you the type who log on to Fridae everyday and head over to your hearts page the first thing, only to find yourself confronting a list of hearts from the same old members, day after day, without fail?

Well, the sisterhood believes that, if you have exchanged 3 to 4 rounds of heart with the exact same member, and it doesn’t seem like there will be any other follow-up actions from it (such as exchange of messages or chatting in msn), then don’t bother replying their hearts anymore, coz they’re most probably doing a non-selective heart-replying action on a daily basis, or better known as the DBKL Reply (i.e. sending hearts to every tom, dick and harry on their friends or bookmark list). This means, they actually won’t realize that you have stopped replying to their hearts, and thus will continue to send you hearts day after day till time immemorial.

Of course, if a particular member is your Type A (remember the Desirability Scale?), you would naturally have already taken the initiative to write to him. But in general, for higher success rates, invest more time on hearts received from someone NEW, especially if it’s accompanied with a message or a ‘Add Friend’ request (this means YOU are his type A, baby!).

And if you are the ones guilty of doing the non-selective heart-replying. Shame on you! Exactly what kind of fat hopes are cooking in your head!? We believe you may consider spending more time doing another set of chest pumps in the gym, or enjoying another application of facial mask on the sofa.

The BravingKL Guide to FRIDAE

Another topic of conversation that inevitably dominates our sisterhood dinners these days is Fridae. Yes, it’s supposedly THE premier gay personals site for Singapore and Malaysia (and some say Thailand, Taipei and Japan too). We find it fulfilling to share our experiences of how we spend our precious online moments staring into the screen browsing profiles and replying hearts and messages, and how we deal with the multitudes of colourful characters that would grace our myFridae page everyday.

Naturally this evolves into our respective observations and analysis of the entire Fridae culture, followed by a semi-heated debate to advocate, challenge or clarify on each others’ viewpoints, and finally a collection of conclusions and best practices that we would unanimously agree and apply, which shall now be known as the

• The BravingKL Guide to FRIDAE

Stay tuned!

The BravingKL Desirability Scale

The sisterhood dinners have been getting rather productive lately. While savouring our meals, we find it necessary to engage ourselves in challenging discussions that help to analyse and address some of the common topics and issues that are close at heart to the gay community in KL.

Inevitably peppering the discussions are Men, Men and more Men. (OK, we can be shallow and deep at the same time). So we find it absolutely necessary to create an analysis that would easily facilitate any references to Men.

Sindy was the first one to propose this, and then we collectively worked on improving the definitions and analysis, which I will now present to you as:

• The BravingKL Desirability Scale

The scale helps to break down and group all men into 3 main categories:

• Type A: These are men who have what it takes to make you want to pursue them. This is not specific to just physical appearances, but may include the entire package with factors such as intellectuality and financial stability.
• Type B: These are men who may not trigger the rush in you to want to pursue them, but if he come after you, you wouldn’t mind dating him. In other words, he’s a convenient option.
• Type C: These are men whom you would never consider dating, even if he’s making all the moves to pursue you.

All three categories can then be further broken down into 2 sub-categories each:

• Type A1: These are the rare Prince Charmings in your life! You not only think of pursuing them, but you take active action to do so.
• Type A2: These are your princes who fall short of certain qualities so that you would just only think of pursuing them, but may not actually do so if they do not send a positive signal your way.
• Type B1 and B2: The distinction between B1 and B2 are not as clear, but generally you will succumb to the pursuits of B1 better than B2.
• Type C1: These are the general guys who do not interest you at all.
• Type C2: You would rather commit suicide than to date him.

Having the scale now properly defined, we then set out to plot a variation of graphs showing the number of guys that fall in the three main categories. Everyone naturally have very different plots of his own desirability chart. We find it interesting to analyse some of them here:

The standard plot reflects the normal distribution of men that we would encounter in our daily lives, judged against the generally-accepted standards in society. Naturally we would expect to find Type A the fewest, followed by Type B, and then those that we would normally filter as Type C.

DBKL are people who set a relatively low standard of quality-control for their men, translating into the fact that they would seem to find almost every single man they encounter to be attractive. The active DBKL's, who are naturally inclined to make the first move, will thus find most men plotted around the Type A vicinity. Studies conducted by the BravingKL Institute of Studies of Gay Men reveals that more than 95% of Active DBKLs are Type C, while the remaining are Type A or B who suffer from a permanent disorder that affects their visual judgements and signifcantly lowered their quality control, symptoms commonly exhibited by a drunken man.

The passive DBKL, while also finding most men that they encounter to be attractive, will not make the first move to pursue them. But if any one of these men do, then the success rate is rather high, if not always a 100%. Thus passive DBKL's find most men plotted in the Type B category. The study confirms that Passive DBKL shares the same social model as Active DBKL.

The princess believes she is too good for anyone, and thus sets impossibly high standards for the man in her life. She ends up with very few men who fulfills her type A and B criteria. Almost everyone is a Type C in her eyes. The same study reveals that only a fraction of Self-Infatuated Princesses are Type A, while in general, all of them suffer from a permanent dillusion of their own attributes due to various factors such as forgetting to install mirrors in their bathrooms.


The scale has since been healthily adopted so far in our daily lives. Among some of the examples of how this is peppered in daily conservations:

• "Type A coming, at your four-o-clock."
• "I can’t believe I’m just his type B!"
• "I don’t mind a type B tonight."
• "A table full of C’s."

A Delicious Affair

So is Delicious @ Bangsar Village 2 the new PLU hangout in town? I was there with Nicole, Sinderella and Jessica for dinner on Saturday and there was at least one sisterhood sighting every other minute!
First the gang caught Ah Lian, the FF instructor, sashayed past our table in her tight fitting sleeveless tee while on her way to the entrance to meet her gym sisters.

Barely two minutes had past, when we detected a rapidly escalating concentration of hiao power near the entrance - Veronica, yet another FF celebrity instructor and her faghag gang had just made an appearance, standing there for time immemorial while scouting for vacant dinner tables. And with them was Jamie from Sindy's extended sisterhood.

Before the confetti settled, Janice the TF GX instructor who happens to be my colleague as well emerged before us, not holding hands with his new potential (whom we're all dying to know the identity of), but pushing a baby pram instead!

"Ya Allah! I didn't know you're a mother liao!" The group exclaimed unanimously while staring at the baby who must be like at least 15 months old.

"My niece la!" Janice rolled her eyes but could not afford anything more sisterly than that as her parents and siblings already caught up with her on their way out of the restaurant.

By now the gang was already on the lookout for other sightings, and in came LK, my ex colleague, with two of her sisters. Thought he didn't see me, but we were soon engaged in a brief SMS conversation.

"Hello darling. Next week party in bkk he he."

"Yeah gorgeous, can't wait!"

Before the end of dinner, Sindy announced that we will need to make an effort to dress up when we drop by again.

"Yerr.. Let my potential see me in this, so not glam."

The Love Of Dance

What would you do for the love of dance, especially when you know it's gonna be the last proper dance class in Fitness First? Well, you naturally go all way out and hit the dancefloor/studio, literally, with your knees while doing the floor routines.

Showed Jimmy my bruises, and he said "Take that as my souvenir for you for attending my last Cardio Dance class."

At least I don't really need any knee pads anymore, do I?

The Ultimate Introduction

XXX to BravingKL in Fridae:

hi, i m XXX here. mind 2 b fren? whats ur name? hometown from? nw stay where which part stay with who? stat? msn? u r t/b? looking 4? msn? how u spend ur free time? nw work or study? if work, work as? if study, taking what course? any contact no.? sorry 4 cz i seldom online, hope u dun mind. anyway, hope 2 hear from u soon...regards, XXX

BravingKL to XXX:

oh gosh xxx! thanks for the wonderful introduction template! are you like sending this to each and every Fridae member individually? but that's like so troublesome!!! why don't I just help you post this to my blog instead? I'm sure my readers will find it very useful. Don't worry, I will give credits to you of course for coming up with such an extensive list of questions in so little words. I dunno what else anyone would want to ask actually. And no, it's ok, you don't need to thank me really. Great job! ;)

The Doctor

The doctor was silent, he seemed lost in his own world. I used to worry the first few times he did that, but it seems like it's just his way of nursing a persistent migraine. I asked him about his on-call schedules for next week, had to repeat myself as he was soon busy tapping on my left collar bone with his fingers.

“Good bone mass!” He declared with an air of animated satisfaction, I had to roll my eyes.

He then reached over and tried to tap my right collar bone, and we got into a pretty nasty anti-tickling rampage/ wrestling exercise right on the bed, throwing the comforters off their perfect arrangement. Mum's gonna frown for sure (not for to the sight of four pairs of entangled limbs - that would bring up her infamous selective memory loss syndrome instead, but at the sorry state of the crumbled comforters). Did a quick check of the door, she had not been alarmed by the commotion. Good.

But my poor naked collar bones, I had to hold on to them even after we had settled down to keep them safe from the inquisitive fingers of a well-trained doctor, whose face was now inching towards my chest instead. There was no handy statoscopes around, he'll need to go much closer to check the heartbeat.

“So I’m now your mistress?” The doctor asked suddenly.

Silence. It’s my turn to be lost in my world. I said nothing, I don’t think he’s expecting me to.

Grimace

The barbells felt heavier today. I grabbed it just as firmly with both my hands. Against the gloves my palms savoured the roughness of the handle just the same and I thought I felt a tinge of sadistic satisfaction rising to my head. Looked myself straight on in the mirror, and as I grimaced to complete just one more set, I asked what sense were all these making.

And then I moved on to work on my abs.

The Sisterhood Photoshoot Of The Year

The black backdrop was up, general and directional lightings arranged and lit, make-up applied, dresses and accessories ready, Madonna songs playing in the background, camera in position and Mum obediently locked up in the bedroom.

Finally, the stage was set for my most challenging photoshoot assignment of the year.

Lights, Camera, Drama!

(The release of the full set of these shots is under the discretion of the two models.)

Mrs. Chan

Mrs. Chan poured herself another cup of green tea, and settled down slowly back onto the coach. Her feeble fingers reached for the remote on the side table and a Zhou Xuan number began filling the living room with an air of nostalgic quaintness not unlike her surrounding now, a meticulous blend of joyous reds and pinks to usher in the lunar new year.

Then she jumped up from her couch, her mobile, her mobile was in the shower, on the dressing counter next to the potpourri where she had left it. She struggled free of the coach and hurried over to fetch it, and with trembling fingers, she clumsily unlocked the phone to check for missed calls or new messages, but only to sink low with disappointment.

Mei Ling always calls on the eve. The highlight of her day, her month rather, would be to hear the comforting, though distant, voice of her beloved daughter, an annual merriment of sort that would set her on a prolonged bliss long after the five-minute conversation had ended, and would somehow justify the long gaps of desolateness she would endure for the past twelve months.

But Mrs. Chan would find no missed calls, and no messages, apart from the senseless promotional ones that had provided her with too many false hopes too often that she had now learnt to ignore all of them. Setting the phone on the side table, next to the remote, she held on to the side of the coach and sank lower into her coach.

The reflections of the red lanterns with chasing lights in the row of photo frames on the wall soon caught hold of Mrs. Chan’s attention, and she began staring at them for the longest of time. She had spent the whole morning earlier today painstakingly fixing the entire string of them onto the wooden frame of her patio. One of them was coming loose now, but she didn’t notice it, she was already in another world, fighting a certain war of reality and delusion.

••

The last cup of green tea had turned icy cold. Against Mrs. Chan resting body, the joyous oldies continued to form the perfect contrast against the stale, still air of the apartment, long after the last firecrackers had thundered the festive skies.

From the slit of the patio door, a shred of red paper, the remains of some distant firecrackers, somehow broke free and fluttered into the room. Over Mrs. Chan very still body it travelled, traced the string of red lanterns, crossed the row of photo frames on the wall, and finally arrived at a forgotten corner of the apartment, where an altar stood.

Its flight then came to an abrupt end, as it knocked against a photo on the altar, a photo of Mei Ling, staring peacefully outwards with her gentle smile. With one final quiver, the shred of paper fell and rested next to the photo where it would remain for a very, very long time.

A Kite

Against the bleeding sunset the adamant kite fluttered in mid air, tore through gusts of evening breeze with its fragile body, trembling now in the cold air. This striking piece of multicoloured pride, the loss of which was missed for the duration of a frown, and then forgotten.

The setting sun seemed to twirl in and out of focus, at this hundred feet above ground. The kite swore it’s getting nearer, much nearer than it had been before. And it let out a silent gasp of rejoice.

Yet the warmth of the sun, as certain as it was just moments before, now swiftly dwindled as its rays fell short of the hills not far away. The sudden swelling of its magnificent body were comparable only to its rapid descent. The kite watched in despair. Its body, just now bathed in a glistening coat of golden bliss, was reduced to a collection of muted tones.

On its own descent, the kite began to dream of sunny afternoons, birds chirping on treetops and the distance squeals of children in the playground. This formerly striking piece of multicoloured waste, of which presence will now join an assortment of rotting twigs, rusting cans and other forgotten items, down on the ground, where it rightfully belong.

A Silent Shade of Gray

Three years worth of emotions and memories, come walk down this path with me again.

Download the ebook in pdf format here.

Cameronian Craze

The sisterhood braved the school holiday year-end fenzy and made a short trip to Ipoh and Cameron Highlands over the weekend. With the tap on juicy sauna encounters now dried up, I have to make do instead with silly accounts of the ridiculous things we did throughout the trip:

Danielle making love to the wall while descending one of Kelly's castle's stairway:

Succumbing to the hunger of a week-long absence from Bodyjam, Nicole started doing the "Look At Me" track in the imaginary dance studio on the upper levels of Kelly's castle:


The making of promotional materials for the upcoming release of Bodybalance, right on the helipad:

In between exploring the various dark corners of the castle, the sisterhood find time for some physical attributes comparison exercise:

With their respective lovers hundreds of miles away, the dreamy setting of the rolling tea plantations become the perfect opportunity for new sparks to fly within the sisterhood:

Sister Nicole drown in a deep imagination of a hunky policeman out to pin her down in this deserted stretch of the tea plantation and do unspeakable things onto her:

An early morning body-to-body massage, the perfect way to start the day:

Sindy and her attention-grabbing mini tent:

But the highlight of the trip is not the countless sisterhood bonding sessions that we had behind the closed door of the hotel room, or the heavenly-tasting salted chicken and curry chicken bun in Ipoh, or the frustrating traffic deadlock while exiting the Boh visitor’s center, but the highlight came in the form of a boyish Chinese guy with charms as far-reaching as the highest peak in the highland resort. The effect was instant, the four sisters unanimously succumbed to his magical charisma of which he seemed to so effortlessly exude in between spinning the cotton candies and interacting with customers who have lined up to adore him. His pull was indeed one of Cameronian proportions:

And we even came up with our own riddle along the way too:

Question: Tricia and Nicole started the journey back from Cameron Highlands to KL with some fresh strawberries in the car, but upon reaching the city, they discovered that the fresh strawberries have turned into strawberry jam instead. Why le?

Answer: They were jamming in the car.

Remnants

A guy stopped me as I was sashaying my way down the stairs after Bodyjam.

“Hey, do you remember me?” He asked.

I turned around and sensed some familiarity in his smile, but said, “Erm.. not really. You are?”

“Oh, we met in Mandi-Manda some time back.” He said softly.

“Oh okies. I haven’t been in awhile.” I adjusted my backpack strap and started my descent down the stairs slowly again.

“It’s OK, maybe I’ll see you there again sometimes?” He pushed further.

“Nah, I’ve retired from the scene.” Turned around before waiting for the sentence to finish and left.

••

I have lived the past few years wondering if I’ll ever find the courage to remove myself from this diseased obsession. As I pushed open the glass door, I turned back and gave this guy, the remnants of my past, a wide, cheeky smile before the warm evening sunlight hit my face that was right now bathed in a seemingly surreal sense of total emancipation.

One Sunday Evening

I stood by the window in my bedroom, admiring the city skyline which was right now shimmering in the golden sunlight of a weekend evening. There was a gentle breeze flowing through the wide open windows. I closed my eyes and focused on the peals of laughter from the children playing by the pool downstairs, and picked up the distant hum of the passing train along the way. From the kitchen came a cacophony of clanking utensils as Mum busied herself with preparing dinner.

There was something surreal about this whole experience – it’s Sunday evening and I’m at home.

It feels not too long ago when I first roamed the realms of those sweat-choked, cum-choked dark room territories. The countless hours of mindless, fruitless hunting games, I knew that wasn’t what I wanted right from the start, yet it was strangely addictive. I was helplessly pulled in to the whirlpool of lust, lured week after week with the promise of love, and let down again and again by the games of deception and lies.

If I have the energy to go on, why not the courage to put this to an end?

And it seems now, five years since I embarked on the journey in search of love in all the wrong places, it will now end exactly where it has begun. On ground zero, I have a collection of experiences and encounters that, even though were heart-felt and vivid as they unfolded, have failed to stand the test of time, and I have emerged with wounds that perhaps may never heal. But on ground zero, I have now gathered enough reasons to set off on a separate path, away from the dizzying darkened corridors and the depressing weekly routine of hopes and disappointments. This path smells of the sweetened promise of a stable relationship and the reassuring reward of security and stability.

A much anticipated end to an overdue chapter of my life. I smiled as I helped Mum with the dishes and set the table for dinner, my first dinner on Sunday at home since as long as I can remember.

Why Can't Bodyjam Be Like This????

The Fantastic Three

If you are tired of all the mindless and fruitless hunting games in saunas, or of the frusfratingly disappointing latest IRC/gay.com meetup who did not seem the least like the guy in his profile photo, or the piercing pain of rejection from a tired boyfriend, it's comforting to know that you can now take matters into your own hand, literally.

First, revisit the climatic pleasures afforded by the tight sensation of a male butt, now made from supersoft skinlike material for the most realistic touch. Behold the Butt banger:


Or if taking the pleasures of the world from your back is more of your line of business, then perhaps the 10" Ty Fox realistic cock would do you wonders:

Still, if you suddenly have a craving for the gentle suction of a hungry mouth ready to take every inch that you can cook up during the long drive home, the remote-controlled vacuum function Auto suck comes complete with a car-lighter plug and is ready at your service 24/7.

Time to give the sauna owners a run for their money?

The Increasingly Complicated Sisterhood

Click on image for larger view

Business is definitely getting bigger.

我要看出戏

张宇“曲终人散”的副歌部分，我们借了切心的意境第一次握了对方的手把歌一起唱完。离开REDBOX后，我记得问了自己会不会有再次握着你的手的机会，还非常记得过后在读着你在1:22am传来的简讯时的那份难以置信的感觉。

我只是不记得为什么两个人在一起的事情会演变成一波又一波的烦恼。在这个错综复杂的同志圈子里，我们的发展好像都掉到了别人的控制盘里，就连你的好朋友的前度男友的前度男友也有好建议。两个人就这样七情六欲地就跟着剧本演下去。

大家都当一场玩偶戏来看。

可是我不是在做戏，付出的不能在散场时收回。那晚在你房里，我赤裸上身对着你突然闯了进来的前度男友时，他用悲痛的眼神也跟我说了同样的话。终于明白你们根本还没结束。

原来我一直在演独角戏。

故事来到大结局，可以数出至少有五位我所谓的好朋友会从座位上站起来对着这满意的结束大拍手掌，因为“来得快的东西去得快”，因为XX的朋友说你是玩家，因为我这种“cruiser”没资格学人谈恋爱。

原来我失去了你的同时，也失去了这些朋友。

•••

庆功宴的那晚，我要最后一次握着你的手，在台上亲自谢谢曾经为这出戏付出的人。

BRAVEHEART ^[108]

Alone, All Over Again

Here we go again, I told myself as I dragged my luggage out of Schipol Airport. Another brand new city to explore on my own, yet the experience of braving a new piece of unfamiliar territory seems eerily reminiscent of a not-so-distant past.

God knows who I'll meet this time, but at least there won't be any hurricanes for sure.

The Rather Complicated Sisterhood

Click on image for larger view
Extended sisterhoods have been omitted to reduce complications.

A Melbourne Day

A Melbourne day, fulfilling in its own way, you talked about work, your past boyfriends, your boss, yourself, I had Milo Kosong Ais, two glasses I think, couldn’t help but tell you you look adorable. You stood by the bus stop at the monorail station, waiting for me with your huge luggage, the one that you said you’ll use to pack me to Melbourne with you. You asked what you can cook for me, and set off to prepare the dishes enthusiastically, on that mindless cooking game on your Nintendo DS. I asked for your Fridae profile, not many photos in there, you acted awkward, yes I can tell your profile says you’re in a monogamous relationship, it’s fine coz I guess that doesn’t apply when you’re in saunas. It’s fine too, when I found out that you’ve gone to the saunas again before meeting up with me for dinner, you were 3 hours late, not a problem, I wasn’t hungry anyway, I don’t know why. That night we sat for a very long time in the car, you asked why I have stopped writing to you when we met three years back, I said it’s you who disappeared, and then you gave me a goodnight kiss. Along the busy ring road just outside the ERL transit of KL Sentral, you dragged your huge luggage out of the back seat, we hugged, hugged for the entire stretch of bumper-to-bumper traffic to see, seemed like a long one, most probably the last one I’ll ever get from you. You said I’ll come visit you in Hong Kong when you’re back there, share the room in your 600sq-ft apartment, you’ll bring me places. You stood there while I drove off, all the while looking my way, you promised you’ll call, your temporary Digi prepaid line won’t work there anymore, but you’ll call. But then you did not call, no call no sms no message in fridae. I checked my phone, my fridae account, my email, your blog, checked again and again. Maybe you were jetlagged (let’s pretend there is a time difference), maybe you couldn’t get online (but Fridae showed that you just logged on this morning). I’m puzzled, I just need one single message from you to thank me for our time together, you don’t have to say you miss me, certainly not love me, and it’s ok if we don’t meet again. Just a short thank you message to bring closure to this short-lived moment of happiness, but you have to deny me of this last piece of the puzzle, the crowning glory that will seal the few days we were together into eternal bliss.

I drove by the bus stop where I had fetched you this afternoon again, there was a painful void that just won’t not shut up. It screamed so loud it hurt. And then I dreamt of you again, we holding hands on a peaceful Melbourne day, and that was the last I will ever see of you.

BRAVEHEART ^[107]

Confessions In The Dark Room

In the busy darkened corridor he pinned me against the wall, wrapped his arms around my waist in one graceful sweep and started running his tongue down my neck. In his fervor, his stubbles chafed the sides of my chin, leaving a trail of burning yet strangely gratifying pain.

“Shall we go to the room?” He broke the silence.

“I just want to hug like this, can I?” I tightened my grip around his body, closed my eyes and buried my face deep in his shoulders. The warmth of his body was arresting.

“You come all the way here just for hugs?” He protested.

“Yes I do.”

•••

For many years, I wandered this forbidden territory in search of answers. Perhaps I will never be cured, of this permanent dysfunctional void in my heart, of the constantly painful craving for attention and affection and of all the different inane ways I go about to pursue them. I’m helpless against a torrent of emotional confusion, I can’t figure out what I want; and even more pathetic against the cruel reality of gay life, I will never get what I want.

Please let me know how to move on.

•••

“Thanks for the hugs, you can go now.” I adjusted my towel and left for a cold shower.

Otot-Otot: A Map of Indulgence (Updated)

(Click on images for larger views)

An uncle started stripping next to me in the lockers as I was getting ready to change and leave. As I put on my shoes he seemed still stuck at the first stage of undress – removing his shirt.

“Haiya! Tell you don’t wear so tight already, don’t want to listen!”

His aggravated sauna kaki pushed his struggling clumpy hands away from his skin-tight shirt, and started painstakingly shifting the velvety material inch by inch up the multiple-folds of his colossal belly.

“Know how to put on, but don’t know how to remove meh!” The grumbling continued as I left.

Chubs and chubs-chasers of the world unite!

台北人

周日Alor的热闹气氛不比周末逊色。你乘我被对街小贩争执分了心的时候，伸手夹了一大块烧鱼放在我的蝶里，然后斜了椰子猛吸着吸管。

烧鱼啃到一半，看到你在传着英文简讯时傻乎乎的神情，突然有一丝醉意。

“曼谷跟吉隆坡，你喜欢哪个城市？”

“以前喜欢曼谷，现在觉得吉隆坡比较好。。”你放下了手机，望着我说。

BRAVEHEART ^[106]