A Tinge of Loneliness

• A tinge of loneliness I felt, as I struggled to remove myself from the entangled mass of copulating bodies in heightened crave on a Full Moon Party. Got bruised in the arm as I freed myself from an overzealous uncle, but I thought it helped lessen the pain in my heart.
• A tinge of loneliness I felt, as Eddie and I stepped out of Towel Club into the deserted streets at 4am, and took a slow walk back to our hotel in Chinatown in the breezy night air. All the experiences in the sauna, however exciting or boring, inspiring or embarassing, will now be reduced to memories as the door swinged shut.
• A tinge of loneliness I felt, as I read the SMS from Loy. He was at the beach at Hua Hin. I replied asking him to please take care of himself. Did a quick check on the message before sending it out and prompty deleted the word 'baby'. Got used to this term when addressing each other over the past four years. That needs to change now.
• A tinge of loneliness I felt, as I sent one last SMS to Ben. Whatever happened to the planned rendezvous I don't know. But all I can tell is his reluctance to extend a warm shoulder for me to cry on when I needed one the most, and that all I will be to him, is an existence separated from his lover and close friends, and thus only qualifies his attention as the clock strikes 12am. I hope he was able to cancel his leave.
• A tinge of loneliness I felt, as I watched palm oil trees flitted past while munching Seremban Siew Pau in the bus back to KL. Took a minute to list down my regrets while Eddie giggles to Chow Sing Chi’s absurbly humorous antiques in an old production.
• A tinge of loneliness I felt, as I pulled up the sheets during bedtime and turned to look at the empty bed next to me. Replied a few ‘Good Night’ messages, and turned off the lights.