Sunday, September 23, 2007

A Melbourne Day

A Melbourne day, fulfilling in its own way, you talked about work, your past boyfriends, your boss, yourself, I had Milo Kosong Ais, two glasses I think, couldn’t help but tell you you look adorable. You stood by the bus stop at the monorail station, waiting for me with your huge luggage, the one that you said you’ll use to pack me to Melbourne with you. You asked what you can cook for me, and set off to prepare the dishes enthusiastically, on that mindless cooking game on your Nintendo DS. I asked for your Fridae profile, not many photos in there, you acted awkward, yes I can tell your profile says you’re in a monogamous relationship, it’s fine coz I guess that doesn’t apply when you’re in saunas. It’s fine too, when I found out that you’ve gone to the saunas again before meeting up with me for dinner, you were 3 hours late, not a problem, I wasn’t hungry anyway, I don’t know why. That night we sat for a very long time in the car, you asked why I have stopped writing to you when we met three years back, I said it’s you who disappeared, and then you gave me a goodnight kiss. Along the busy ring road just outside the ERL transit of KL Sentral, you dragged your huge luggage out of the back seat, we hugged, hugged for the entire stretch of bumper-to-bumper traffic to see, seemed like a long one, most probably the last one I’ll ever get from you. You said I’ll come visit you in Hong Kong when you’re back there, share the room in your 600sq-ft apartment, you’ll bring me places. You stood there while I drove off, all the while looking my way, you promised you’ll call, your temporary Digi prepaid line won’t work there anymore, but you’ll call. But then you did not call, no call no sms no message in fridae. I checked my phone, my fridae account, my email, your blog, checked again and again. Maybe you were jetlagged (let’s pretend there is a time difference), maybe you couldn’t get online (but Fridae showed that you just logged on this morning). I’m puzzled, I just need one single message from you to thank me for our time together, you don’t have to say you miss me, certainly not love me, and it’s ok if we don’t meet again. Just a short thank you message to bring closure to this short-lived moment of happiness, but you have to deny me of this last piece of the puzzle, the crowning glory that will seal the few days we were together into eternal bliss.

I drove by the bus stop where I had fetched you this afternoon again, there was a painful void that just won’t not shut up. It screamed so loud it hurt. And then I dreamt of you again, we holding hands on a peaceful Melbourne day, and that was the last I will ever see of you.




BRAVEHEART [107]

13 comments:

David the Man said...

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Magus_Young said...

ouched this got to hurt man! it must be a hell of heart wrenching experience

Eugene said...

* hugs *

Anonymous said...

Cheer up :-) Drop by for teh tarik if you are going to Chakran.

can

Anonymous said...

i can feel the heartache just by reading it. hugs.

max

Hezt said...

很久沒有讀到你如此真情流露的內心告白了。
印象中也沒有聽過你提起這傢伙。

無論如何, 就當他是一個過眼雲煙的過客吧,人生中有很多擦身而過的陌生人,即使他長得如何標青亮眼又如何。

只能嘆春夢了無痕。

Anonymous said...

the source of our suffering is our craving nature. "tanha" in Pali language. so long as we do not understand this, we will be condemned to endless unnecessary heart aches. buddha was not a god but he said the made the most profound observations about human life. get to know his teachings, if you do not already, and see if you do not make some sense out of these madness call "longing", "love" and "lust". i wish you well....

asm@di said...

you write beautifully.

sometimes i wonder where this road will lead, but then i catch myself from finding the answer.

i don't wanna know.

i want to say to you someone better will come along, but why lie when i know it's not true?

SOLOACT said...

*hugs*

Anonymous said...

reading this hurts.

brings back memories of those who you spend such great times with but then they never return calls or even reply with a thank you SMS. sigh ....

C L said...

such is life, we tend to constant yearn for things that does not yearn for us, yet we do not give it a 2nd thought for things that constantly 'bug' us. perhaps it's time to yearn for these 'bugs' instead. life is already too bitter, why make it more bitter? that said, that is the irony of 'yearning'! funny eh? picture yourself in my shoes, and you will understand it when i say 'self started pain'.

datahomi said...

读到心都酸掉了

asianbear said...

i can relate to this musings of yours. been there, done that. yet still, it hurts whenever im in that situation.

a big hug to you.

your writings are beautiful.

cheers!