Wednesday, January 03, 2007

How To Jump Queue At The Cinema Ticketing Lines Without Being Cursed At

Just proceed to the (normally) underutilized ticket reservation counter, of course! Didn’t book a ticket? Just pretend you did la! Here’s how it work:

You: Hi! I’ve got a booking for ABC movie. My booking number is ...

(Now, cook up an imaginary 6-digit booking number in your mind, and say it out loud slowly, number by number. For added convincing power, you may consider shutting your eyes intermittently as though concentrating hard to fish the number out from the deepest fold of your cerebral cortex. Alternatively, you may save this number onto your mobile phone before hand and flash it to the staff instead.)

Staff: (Keys in your booking number into the ticketing system that should promptly return no results, as expected) Cannot find la!

(If the imaginary booking number miraculously returns a valid booking, forget your movie and run to the nearest TOTO outlet to buy a lottery ticket. You’re next-in-line for the multi-million ringgit jackpot.)

You: Cannot be! I just booked yesterday only. Can you check again? This is like the fifth time already that you couldn’t find my booking!

(For extra dramatic effects, the above line should be delivered while going through a colourful emotional journey that starts with shock, then painful recollection, and finally anger. Gifted drama queens will find this as natural as ordering a Starbucks frappo.)

Staff: What to do. I think the system was down yesterday. That’s why.

(The staff shall remain unapologetic, as expected. However, you should show no signs of giving up. Insist that your booking number be checked and rechecked to confirm.)

You: Can you check again ah please? I purrrrrposely wrote down this number yesterday in case I forget you know. How can cannot find? Check again laaaaaaaa.

(After the third try, he/she would have given up and switch over to the regular instant ticket purchasing screen instead. You will now be entitled to select any of the seats available to the long lines of customers with no bookings. Minus all the waiting, of course.)

(Now go practise.)