I Blue You, You Blue Me

A usual Saturday night out at Bukit Bintang, a population of coffee sipping, makeup wearing, glamour touting, SKII endorsing brand conscious sisters had congregated at the outdoor café setting of SanFran, Lot 10.

I fired up the bluetooth reception on my Nokia and found 8 other devices in the vicinity, with names probably as glamorous as their owners. Over at the other tables, a few were already deeply engaged in this new wave of communication, heads down, and hands grasping firmly on their phones (cleverly positioned below the table top for the discreet ones).

At times they would turn and look around, perhaps to identify the culprit who had just sent over some insidious comments (“I think that moustache of yours doesn’t go well with the LV bag”). And other times, proudly flashing their phones to their gang of friends, sharing a naughty video clip or picture that he had just received over the air.

The bluetooth setting in Nokia phones requires that the receiver clicks OK to acknowledge the transmission, which simply means I will have to constantly check on my phone to see if someone is trying to send me something. Not good, as this will rob me of the precious time spent on other activities that are just as meaningful, such as entertaining ourselves watching the occasional good meat walk past, or listening to my sisters share their very personal account of a good catch late last night (often peppered with details too lurid for any blogs).

As I sipped up the last drop of ice-blended mocha, my phones are already loaded with 2 new video clips, 8 new pics, and a new phone number.

Are you free this weekend? Go join the party. :P

Against All Odds

8:30am on the KL-Seremban Highway, I drove past the toll plaza heading towards the Seremban direction, and immediately joined the bumper-to-bumper traffic which had now backed up almost to the toll plaza itself. Yes, a condition as rare as a 9.0 magnitude earthquake given the fact that 70% of the working population were most probably already on leave with the school holidays and year-end period (at least that assumption is true for my office). Another accident (however minor) on either side of the highway again?

A green Alfa Romeo inched closely up to my right. I turned to look and almost choked on my gum. It was unmistakably Spiky Hair Uncle (SHU)! What is the odd of ever bumping into a colleague who works in the same floor and wing as you, and whom you have fancied in the office, amongst a thousand other vehicles that were all simultaneously trying to squeeze themselves from the 20-lane toll entrance to a 4-lane highway?

And oh, my CD started playing “What a Wonderful World” at that very moment.

I was naturally out of breath, but I guess SHU was not too excited about meeting in this out-of-place setting. He turned, gave me his usual trademark glance, mouth opened slightly then closed (simulating chewing, which he believes ups his coolness a few level), and then proceeded to drive past me. Damn! His lane seemed to be moving faster than mine.

The traffic eventually cleared, and I found myself driving 20% faster all the way to the office, in search of a green Alfa Romeo.

BRAVEHEART ^[76]

A Month's Worth Of Emotions

Two fortnights ago…
We were holding each other in our arms, at one dark corner in the maze, dancing slowly to a song. I tried very hard, but I couldn’t recall which song was it already. Perhaps your perfume will do the trick. I remember asking you what you do for a living. You said I’ll know in due time.

Two weeks ago…
I received the 280th SMS you sent for the month, and I realised typing in Chinese is really not that time-consuming after all. By now, I have come to know your entire family’s history (how you ran away from home, escaping from the marriage planned quietly behind your back, your family was trying to save themselves from the disgrace of a son gone wild perhaps?), the names of all your dogs (and a detailed account of how you have rescued each of them from their previous owners), and how you ended with a clean-shaven head (you said it saves you from the trouble of having to visit the hairdresser every month, but then to keep it clean-shaven, you now have to go every week instead.. I think you lost a bet). You still didn’t tell me what you do for a living.

Two days ago…
I was kissing your neck again on the sofa, watching Formula 17. Too bad I didn’t know how it ends, coz we were doing things more passionate then the lead actors in the movie, and then we had to switch to your bedroom for a more comfortable setting. It was a hot afternoon; good thing you had two fans running at the same time. I continued to admire the quaint apartment you had when we were putting on our shoes at the door. Your pull me towards you for one last hug. I watched as you disappeared into the monorail coach. I still don’t know what you do for a living.

Two minutes ago…
I received the first SMS from you since two days ago. You said you have been busy. With what? WORK? Where? What? How? WHY?

BRAVEHEART ^[75]

Boob Watch in Green Lotus

Oh gosh! I would be extremely concern if this cafe only has ONE "entire value customer". Although I must agree that the shrinking food servings does form a deterrance for frequent visits, this place has definitely got the right mix of food and ambience to draw in the crowd even amongst straight guys and gals.

The Story Of Lele And Mr B

It was a hurriedly arranged mamak session. Nevertheless, we arrived on-time at our regular hangout only to find Lele already there. (He’s never early). It was a match night, students from the 318 condos in the neighbourhood had gathered to attempt and break the record for the biggest mamak gathering during the EPL season. Which teams were playing? Erm.. how do you tell?

Amidst all the incessant cheering and jeering, Lele seemed to be in a world of his own, desolated and ignorant to the world around him.

“So which guy is it this time?” I had to break the silence.

Lele started his account reluctantly, carefully balancing between the intensely painful urge to share his disappointment and frustration, but at the same time, not revealing enough of his desires such that these could be used against him during teasing wars at happier moments.

He met B online. After some exchanges of SMS, and phonecalls, they had fixed a meet-up earlier that afternoon at some secluded spot near a stadium. B didn’t turn up? Yes, he did. Did they eventually meet? Yes, but not the way Lele had imagined it to be.

B caught a glimpse of Lele at the carpark, not far from the agreed meeting spot, and proceeded to execute a disappearing act. First few calls to his mobile went unanswered, and subsequent ones were routed to the voicemail, leaving Lele standing there, confused, frustrated and disappointed.

“You have been using THAT pic for your online profile again, haven’t you?” I went straight to the point.

“If your memory hasn’t failed you, even your ELDEST SISTER couldn’t recognise that was you!” It’s getting late, I pushed further.

“Mr B most probably was expecting SOMETHING else. Why do you keep repeating the mistake?” I delivered the final verdict.

“Mamak, kira!”

Lelong In Lost World

2am on a Saturday morning, our car turned right at the junction, and entered KL’s premiere cruising park. The carpark was already 70% occupied with visitors from as far as Klang and Kajang.

At just 15km/hour, we made an obligatory tour in the car around the carpark, which served both to announce to the entire community of our arrival (giving them a full view of the occupants, and perhaps a potential will be intrigued enough by the sight to walk up later and say hi) and to ensure that all is well before we get off the car (no cousins/uncles/neighbours/colleagues that you haven’t pecah to, no ex-lovers who still hold a grudge against you, no ex-sisters who remembers his fifth bf had left him for you etc etc).

At one corner, the Uncle Gang had gathered around once again for their weekly outing. Some leaning against their car while others squatting or sitting on the dividers. What would the agenda be, I wonder. Recollecting on the week that was? Perhaps sharing an experience about the young boy whom they have fished just two days ago from the neighbourhood cyber cafe, or the prospects of setting up the 83rd massage parlours in town, or sharing 101 tips on the best excuse of the week to give persistent relatives/colleagues who have asked yet again why they have remained single, or to the unsuspecting wives at home on why they absolutely need to meet up with the gang every Saturday at such ungodly hours.

Over at another brighter spot, a group of younger ones had congregated and were busy laughing their dicks off over some jokes, or was it a personal account of an interesting find in the bushes nearby? Their peals of laughter (which most probably have reached Jupiter by now) would be the only refreshment to an otherwise serene night. Serenity seemed to be out of place for such a high level of hustle and bustle, where a continuous flow of traffic cruised in and out of the park (an infinite loop around the park for the discreet ones), and a continuous flow of human traffic cruised in and out of the darker bushes at the nearby hillocks.

The group soon dispersed, and the young ones scattered away into the night. Some took a walk around the lake, eventually disappearing into the bushes, some took a scroll around the carpark, while the more adventurous ones sat right by the side of the road, hoping to catch the fancy of the driver in the beaming Beamer who had just arrived.

Lelong! Lelong! Any takers tonight?

Your Son Most Probably Is Gay If:

• He does not have a good relationship with Dad (not on talking terms, minimal interaction, Dad-phobia etc).
• He grew up without a fatherly figure (Dad passed away, Mum-Dad separated, divorced etc).
• He was brought up by a motherly figure (Grandma, Auntie, maids etc)
• He is the eldest or the youngest in the family.
• He is the only son in the family.
• He spent a lot of time during his childhood playing with his sisters, neighbours’ daughters, cousin sisters etc.
• He hates watching football.
• He adores Madonna, Faye Wong, Spice Girls or any other female singers or girl bands.
• He likes tight-fitting clothes.
• He works out in Fitness First.
• He prefers spending his weekend nights at Central Market rather than P Ramlee/ Bangsar/ Kiara.
• He shops for his own undies, and has at least one g-string/thong.
• He has more guy friends than gal friends.
• He uses more skincare than his sisters/Mum.
• Despite his good looks, and well-built body, he is still single.
• His guy friends have similar traits mentioned above.

I Saw This At The Curve

A gayish-looking sign (notice TWO male signs?), held by a even more gayish-looking 'angel'? And it's PINK in colour! Now I couldn't remember who sent him. Blame it on the outfit! :D

By the way, I saw this at 'The Curve'. YES! This place is definitely not straight. LOL

I Spent 6sen On This

017-XXX: Where you goto celebrate xmas?

Me: Hi.. sorry, I don’t seem to have your number in my contact list. May I know who is this please?

017-XXX: Im kenXXX. We meet in mirage. Remember me?

Me: erm.. when did we meet? Yesterday? Where you fr again?

017-XXX: Too bad. U dun have remember me again. I’m ken have fun with u got 2 time in mirage remember

Me: Sorry ken. I’m really bad with remembering names. If u have picture easier to remember. Can you describe urself?

017-XXX: (no reply)

Story of a Skimpy Towel

He came after all the bigger towels were distributed, and had to walk around with a skimpy version that was only big enough to cover the essentials, which in Manatus’ definition, should not include the buttocks. A good thing though, coz they looked really firm and bubbly. An uncle managed to steal a pinch, he didn’t seem to mind.

While we were standing side by side against the wall in the steam room, I wanted to ask him what perfume was he wearing. Must be good stuff, coz it survived the heat and moisture. But then I guess it’s not a good place to start a conversation.

I couldn’t remember who started it, but soon we were holding hands, and then proceeded to some light kissing and hugging. At one point, I was just leaning against him while we were sitted. There were no hot passionate moments, no loud raunchy moans; just quiet, subtle emotions drown in a warm embrace (warmer then the steam in the room). Seemed like forever.

Managed to push away some intruding hands. Oh gosh, has the table turned?

We still didn’t talk. Not when it’s all over, or in the showers, or at the lockers. He was sitting at the counter, making a phonecall. We maintained eye contact as he walked (reluctantly?) towards the main door. The last glimpse of him, hands raised mid-air waving at me, light smile on his face (did you say ‘Thank you’?) before he disappeared into the night.

Will you ever find love in saunas?

BRAVEHEART ^[73]

Seeded PLU

"Oh gosh, they're numbering all PLUs in Chile and packing them up in plastic bags for export! Hmm... Must try :D "

Too Picky?

"Now don't get picky with the food! Tell me how long you've been starving?!"

The Lonely Tree

A lonely tree, captured on the way to Bukit Bintang. And then this song started to play over the radio.. didn't know it can sound so sad...

My bonnie lies over the ocean
My bonnie lies over the sea
My bonnie lies over the ocean
Oh bring back my bonnie to me

If Only I Am Thick-Skinned Enough

Hey it's you! Didn't know you come to work at this time. What perfume are you using? I can smell it right across from this side of the lift. Did you just steal a glance of me? Shall I smile? Will you smile back? Where did you get your haircut? What's your hobbies? Do you swim? How about clubbing? Gardening then? Too bad our office is just two floors up, else I'll rush up and give you an early morning hug and wish you a great day ahead. I'll make it a point to say 'Hi' next time okies?

TimeOut

Is it only 10am? Gosh, how many times have I yawned? I think I have lost count of the number of times I reminded myself coming to the office only to stare at the monitor the whole day is not something I want to call my career. I could be discovering the streets in vibrant Bangkok or perhaps Taipei right now. Gosh it was so close! Don’t understand why fate has it that I need to stay grounded. Can someone please give me a break?!

I'm Waiting to Exhale

Everyone falls in love sometime
Sometimes it's wrong, sometimes it's right
For every win Someone must fail
But there comes a point when
When we exhale (yeah, yeah, say)

Shoop, Shoop, Shoop
Shoo Be Doop Shoop Shoop ...

Sometimes you'll laugh
Sometimes you'll cry
Life never tells us
The when's or why's
When you've got friends to wish you well
You'll find a point when
You will exhale (yeah, yeah, say)

Hearts are often broken
When there are words unspoken
In your soul there's answers to your prayers
If you're searching for a place you know
A familiar face somewhere to go
You should look inside yourself
You're halfway there

:: Whitney Houston/ Exhale

RM35 to have a straight guy jerk you off

Somehow the entire craze about visiting PLU massage joints passed us by quietly.. until last Saturday that is, when the fact that it popped up again during a conversation with a close friend proved that it’s time for at least one visit, not for the physical relief (think the current visits to saunas suffice, thank you) but more for the experience.

Arrived on a late Saturday evening, and were immediately greeted by a Chinese uncle (with blond hair) sitted on an armchair in a cosy reception room. Nicely lined up on one of the walls are photo cards of masseurs grouped by either ‘Occupied’, ‘Available’, or ‘Off Duty’. Like commodities on a active trading day at the KLSE, the boss would make or receive calls on his mobile, and walk over to the board from time to time to shuffle the cards and update the masseurs’ availability.

One advice: don’t trust the photos, go look at the real thing, who would most probably be hanging around in another room nearby. And beware especially of the photos taken in studio, as only someone who’s not as desirable would resort to the help of make-up artists and Photoshop expert to sell!

The massage session itself wasn’t particularly memorable. It was weak. Gosh, or maybe you heard my brittle bones screaming? I think my bf gives better massage! Chatted on and off with the masseur, and it didn’t take my gaydar long to confirm that he is straight. How weird! I felt uneasy, this is but a barter of money and pleasure. How can pleasure be a one-way street. Money shouldn’t even be in the picture.

Anyone wants my member card? It gives you one free session after the tenth visit.

The Sauna Host

Mirage (KL) Floor Map
What works:
- The entire world (apart from carpark attendee, and an occasional oblivious resident of the nearby wooden houses) won’t see you enter the joint.
- It’s just 20 steps from the carpark to the stairway entrance.
- A generous number of private rooms (proper rooms, not toilets. Hallelujah!)
- Decent food served (not ‘imported’ from mamak stall next door, thank you)
- Nice Christmas tree for you to go gaga over in the embrace of your latest find. :P

Not that we care, but..
- Uncles/’Aunties’, got your Redbull/ Tongkat Ali handy to brave the five-storey outlet?
- No ladies, the air freshener doesn’t work, the place still smells!
- How many years old are those sperm stain on the walls? The curtains? The urinals?
- No Jacuzzi! Owners claim they have no means of keeping the water ‘germ-free’. I say go ask Otot-Otot!


Otot-Otot (KL) Floor Map
What works:
- Discreet, cosy and tastefully refurbished outlet in the middle of seedy, rundown Chow Kit area.
- Yes, we purposely did not share the secret to germ-free water in the Jacuzzi so Mirage can come up with this excuse when asked why they do not have a Jacuzzi there.

Not that we care, but..
- Oh, we feel great lying on the cold, hard, wet and sticky toilet floor with your fresh find is quite exciting. Yes, truly unforgettable indeed.
- Did you expect US to bear the cost of refurbishment?
- We serve mainly ‘roti canai’ and ‘nasi lemak’ here.
- Boss ah, my Fridae.com just took 5min to load.


Bambusa (KL)
What works:
- Nice decent outlet with some tasteful touches, check out the ‘raining room’, and the rooftop garden.

Not that we care, but..
- The entire Bukit Bintang population will witness as you brave the stairway entrance (complimented by brightly lit signboard) to the joint.
- Want some privacy for a discreet session? Try the toilets.
- Did it use to be more crowded here?

The M Word

Yes, I guess it was just 3 weeks ago that we said we’re going to boycott Mirage. Yes, we did say they could have done a thousand times better in upkeeping the place – the dark room smells (but the perfume gals come around spraying air freshener every now and then), the water in the showers just drip sometimes (but hey, they have water heaters), there is no Jacuzzi (the owner says it’s difficult to keep the water germ-free, as though it is already speckless all around the place), the lockers look like they’re ready to fall apart (but they just changed the padlocks!), the curtains in the dining area could use a wash (but they serve much better meals).So I guess with no real competition, they have every reason to believe people will just return, just like us. (Otot-otot wants us to believe it’s comfortable to have sex on the toilet floor, Bambusa believes their patrons are thick-skinned enough to walk up the stairway entrance, with brightly lit signboards to add, for the whole of Bukit Bintang folks to see and Manatus believes it’s healthy to have cold showers after a out-of-body experience in the steam room.)And indeed, Mirage on a Sunday evening must be the most happening place in the whole of Malaysia.

Braving KL

Do you feel naked sharing your stories with the whole world? I think I will start stripping now...