The Sauna Host

Mirage (KL) Floor Map
What works:
- The entire world (apart from carpark attendee, and an occasional oblivious resident of the nearby wooden houses) won’t see you enter the joint.
- It’s just 20 steps from the carpark to the stairway entrance.
- A generous number of private rooms (proper rooms, not toilets. Hallelujah!)
- Decent food served (not ‘imported’ from mamak stall next door, thank you)
- Nice Christmas tree for you to go gaga over in the embrace of your latest find. :P

Not that we care, but..
- Uncles/’Aunties’, got your Redbull/ Tongkat Ali handy to brave the five-storey outlet?
- No ladies, the air freshener doesn’t work, the place still smells!
- How many years old are those sperm stain on the walls? The curtains? The urinals?
- No Jacuzzi! Owners claim they have no means of keeping the water ‘germ-free’. I say go ask Otot-Otot!


Otot-Otot (KL) Floor Map
What works:
- Discreet, cosy and tastefully refurbished outlet in the middle of seedy, rundown Chow Kit area.
- Yes, we purposely did not share the secret to germ-free water in the Jacuzzi so Mirage can come up with this excuse when asked why they do not have a Jacuzzi there.

Not that we care, but..
- Oh, we feel great lying on the cold, hard, wet and sticky toilet floor with your fresh find is quite exciting. Yes, truly unforgettable indeed.
- Did you expect US to bear the cost of refurbishment?
- We serve mainly ‘roti canai’ and ‘nasi lemak’ here.
- Boss ah, my Fridae.com just took 5min to load.


Bambusa (KL)
What works:
- Nice decent outlet with some tasteful touches, check out the ‘raining room’, and the rooftop garden.

Not that we care, but..
- The entire Bukit Bintang population will witness as you brave the stairway entrance (complimented by brightly lit signboard) to the joint.
- Want some privacy for a discreet session? Try the toilets.
- Did it use to be more crowded here?